Five for Ry

So I mentioned that Ryah Layne turned five on December 16th. That number being used in reference to her feels like so many different kinds of wrong. I mean, she weighs about 30 pounds (her brother almost outweighs her at 3), is only about 37 inches tall (she basically looks like she's 3), and talks in the sweetest child's voice. And of all my children's births, hers is the one I remember most clearly because it was so crazy and unexpected. After spending years thinking only backwoods high school dropouts had their children in cars, elevators, or at home (accidentally), we came within 8 minutes of having her in the dang car! God does like to have all the things I am judgmental towards others about come back to haunt me:) But to get back to the point (only took me this long, and this isn't even my main point! Guess I'll really and truly never be one of those famous bloggers...), since she and Allie (yours is coming in July, Al pal!) as the middle kids are most likely to be overlooked (or so some people say, I don't think it is true of us, or at the least, I try not to have it be so), I thought I would jot down the top five things about Ryah for her fifth birthday:

~She is so easy going and easy to be with. Seriously, this kid has been easy since the day she was born. She loves people, but isn't demanding, and will find/make a friend out of anyone/anytime! No matter if she just met you for the first time in her life, she will be in your lap within five minutes of meeting you. And because she is tiny and cute, I have yet to find someone, even another mom with kids of her own, who doesn't enjoy it. Now, all of this is the truth, until, for some unexpected reason, she very occasionally, turns on you. And when she turns on you, the attitude is stunning. Fortunately, as I said, this is truly rare.

~She is quite the diva when it comes to fashion. (Please see above photo for evidence.) I have all sorts of pictures of Ryah in one crazy getup or another. And she does not leave the house without properly accessorizing. She knows how to get noticed, that's for sure.

~She is wicked smart. Now, I of course think all of my kids are super intelligent, but this kid has some seriously innate logic going on. She solves riddles, puzzles, memorizes things just by listening to others say them, plays games intended for kids older than her, and can remember the last place Adon had his monkey and deduce where he must have left it.

~She loves to sing. She, more than any of my others, loves music and loves to sing and perform. At any moment, if things get to quiet and/or she gets bored, she will break out into Taylor Swift or several other pop songs I do not know. It is VERY funny to hear her in the car or watch her in the grocery store.

~She is in charge. JD says she already has "short man syndrome." He may be right. She is going to tell you how to run things, in a very nice and congenial way, and it is going to be her way or she hits the high way. All in a very polite manner of course. Her brother loves to be part of her plans, her sisters, sometimes, sometimes not.

I think she may be the most similar to me in personality of all my kids. I love being her mom and am sad that each year I have to let her go a little bit more. But at the same time, I am so excited to see what God has planned for her. Looking foward to this year Ryah Layne!

Feeling Contemplative. I think.

The house is clean, the laundry (that I am ignoring on the sofa) smells good, and the three youngest are watching some afternoon tv while their big sister and dad are off gallivanting in Atlanta for 2 days. Because we are down a couple people, every mom knows instinctively that I am not cooking, right? (Although, it dawns on me that even 2 people down I would be cooking for more people than my mom cooked for when everyone was home.) So I am perusing the internets, enjoying a quiet moment in my life. I think the combination of downtime, the time of year (almost a new one upon us!), and some of what I have read is making me think about things a bit. Also, some of the circumstances in our life probably.

See, sometime over the last month, apparently my last child/"baby" has become potty trained. And when I realized that, brace yourself and please hear me out after this statement, I was sad. I know, this seems crazy to me as well. But just a few months ago this fall, he started preschool 2 days a week. And 2 weeks ago, Ryah Layne turned 5. FIVE. Granted, she still looks 3, but the truth remains that she is not a preschooler any more. She also attends preK 4 mornings a week at the same school Adon does. And in 3 months, Kharis will turn 10. TEN. Finally, a month ago, I turned 35. All of these are markers I guess of some sort. How this has all happened when I was sleeping, I do not know. But it all adds up to one thing, and I think that is what is giving me trouble defining my feelings.

My children are growing up. I am growing older. I am no longer a mom to a bunch of "littles" as I have been for basically 10 years.

Hmmm.

I guess, after 10 years at it, I more or less know how to be and do this. I know what it will require, on a good day and a bad day, and though I truly fail at so much of it, I guess after failing enough times you become somewhat immune to the distress of failure. (This, btw, is NOT a good thing.) So as a result, there is far less fear and trepidation. Turmoil internally. And, because I know nothing if not how to get to a manageable level of "good enough" wherever I am, obviously over 10 years I have learned some lessons and skills that have made me better at "this" than I was 10 years ago. (If you know me, of course, you know full well that the emphasis in that phrase that has "guided" me  though the years is far more on the 'enough' than the 'good.' Sigh.)

But the next stage?

That is entirely new.

I do NOT know what that will require of me. I do NOT know how bad or good I will be at it. I do NOT know how I will feel about myself and my family in that new stage.

Sometimes, I think to myself, If I am not "producing" babies and actively caring for them 24/7, what I am actually contributing?

I know that sounds silly. When I was typing it, it sounds even more so. When I have thought it I was surprised by it. But regardless, the thought has crossed my mind.

How do I feel about being an "older" woman? How do I feel about my kids being far more self sufficient? How do I feel about being more, shall we say, on the margin?

It's a weird, new feeling. One I am still working through. There are of course lots of up sides here. I did NOT cry when we threw away the diaper genie that sat outside on our garage landing to greet us with a simply delightful scent every time we came home or left the house. I do NOT cry on Tuesday and Thursday mornings when for 3 blissful hours I have time to myself to go to the grocery store and the Target and the tailor and the cleaners and everywhere else that I may need to go, and also, shhh, please don't tell anyone, but sometimes just to sit by myself somewhere quiet and read or meet a friend for coffee without having to chase someone or call someone down or be interrupted 986 times in the first 10 minutes! And JD and I definitely do not cry when we can tell the girls, at least, to go get themselves ready and in bed and we will be up to kiss them and read the bible in a few and they actually go do it (though Allie, of course, will get sidetracked for a while. It is a law of science.) But all the good is mixed with some, ah, different, and I am just trying to figure out what that means.

Time will tell, that is what they say, right? I hope, no, I pray, desperately, that time will tell a good story. I hope if I read this when I am 50, I will have some good thoughts for my 35 year old self. We shall see what the Lord does in these next 10-15.

I am hoping to write a little something soon about my little Ryah Layne's fifth birthday and about who she is these days (something I wish I'd had the blog for when Kharis and Allie turned 5!) but as you know, with me there are no guarantees, because I am a bad blogger. In fact, I think bad does not do it justice, but we will leave it at that for today.

DA-DA!

That title is in honor of my third and fourth borns who have both been (JAG most recently has been doing it and MELT MY HEART!) through a stage of doing wild things or crazy things and standing up with a smile and arms out to proclaim "Ta-da!" only they say dada and it is one-of-my-favorite-things-ever. I blogged about Ryah Layne doing it before.  Anyway, ta-da, here I am:) Been a WHILE, ahem. But sometimes I just get overwhelmed with things I want to remember, and today was one of those days and I just thought, why don't I see if blogger has booted me off yet, and if they haven't, then I will write some things down darn it. And since blogger has been gracious, I guess I will follow through.

This week we had our first Burmese refugee family that we fostered. It was totally last minute, with World Relief, and I did not know what in the heck I was doing, and I know now that I could have done a better job if, you know, if I had ANY SORT OF PLANNING SKILLS WHATSOEVER. But I don't, and they were so gracious, and this weekend we are going to go to their new apartment and see if there is something nice we could do for them, definitely take them a nice candle or some such, so hopefully it is all okay. My children amazed me. I love those four. It was a wee bit strained for me (which is unusual) since we had some of what they call a language barrier (ha!) and if I can't talk to you  easily, apparently I clam up. On top of that, they had a certain, ahem, *smell* that for me was tough to take. I am ashamed to admit it but it is the truth. Anyhow, none of this phased my children at all. I mean, they don't speak Burmese, and the Burmese definitely do not speak English, and yet my children all happily sat and chatted away with them. How, I have no idea, but they all seemed to have no trouble communicating! My littlest two would sit on their laps, and when the big two came home from school today and found out they had left a day early while they were at school they were so bummed! They certainly weren't getting this graciousness from me. Maybe from their father. He IS a pretty gracious man I have to say. Or more likely, their heavenly father. He is the definition of grace, thank goodness.

One of my other favorite things these days is when I leave the littles at home with Sarah (the GOD-SEND who is living with us right now:)) in the morning and drive the bigs to school. We go over our favorite memory verses, I give them one for the day, or they tell my some of their favorite bible stories. If I forget, Allie will always ask me, Mom, what's our verse for today?

Oh, it's dinner time, will have to run for now, sigh. Maybe more tonight?

Slip Sliding Away

I am just going to forewarn you right now: this entire post might just be the hormones talkin. They are a-raging tonight. But whether that is the case or not does not matter, I just feel the need to DO something about the fact that my chilrens are growing up ridiculously fast and I am forgetting more than I ever thought I could about their precious growing up years!! The little details, the little stories, the sweet moments are slipping away never to be retrieved. So to stave off the tears I ran to the blog.

I think I will not even do things in chronological order. I think if I can make myself follow through I will just record whatever cute things I remember about the different kids comes to mind over the next few days. Like Adon just discovering that throwing things off of anything is super fun (folded clothes off the sofa, food or cups off the high chair tray, miscellaneous items out of a drawer, whatever.) And then I walk through the house and find the most random piles of things next to teh previous home they had occupied. Or like Allie drawing the same pictures over and over, and the other day it was princesses with clothes on but with what looked like their bra outside their clothes. When I asked her what that was all about she said they were indeed their "bras." What did she mean I asked. She says "You know Mom, like these," and she points to my bosoms, "You know how they kind of show on you and so and so and so and so." So she calls bosoms bras and she thinks she needs to depict them on every girls she draws now?!

And I remember Ryah when she was just talking, 18 months or so, appearing in a room dressed up, throwing out her arms, and saying "da-da!" for Ta-da, regularly. It was always adorable. And then how she and Allie, when they were like 18 months and 3, always saying "awww!" when they saw pictures of themselves. And Allie telling me, or anyone else she was filled up with appreciation for at the moment, when she was 3 or so, "You're the BEST, Mom!" She has alwys had a noteably grateful spirit, though sometimes it can fade in a bad way and she can have a little chip on her shoulder, but she almost always makes up for it. She just LOVES Adon, really most any baby, and desperately tries to take good care of him.

Ryah singing just like her preschool teacher Miss Leah the "Five little monkeys swingin in a tree, teasin mist-ah alligata Can't catch me! Along comes the alligator, quiet as can be, aaaaaaaaaand SNAP that monkey right outta that tree! (Hands on hips, sidelong glance, then palms turned up, out to the sides) Now what do we have left? Two little..."

Kharis's dead-on impersonations. From the Herbie movie with Lindsey Lohan, "Her-bie,... Is a Car." Praying tonight "God, thank you for changing our hearts." Seriously. Thank you God you have done it entirely despite my bad efforts. Taking the extra swing for the playset after we put up the baby swing and hanging it perfectly INSIDE the fort part. So creative and resourceful.

Allie telling Stacey Simeone she definitely did NOT want her lovie to become an idol.

Ryah always pulling up the inside joke with JD, like saying the refrigerator that passed gas when there was noone else around to blame it on with her and JD (a running joke the whole family finds uproariously funny, except me.)

Oh, there are probably thousands more. But for now, I will close. Say a little prayer I come back tomorrow, or don't. I will at least;)

What "These People" Like to Do These Days

So here I am again, more for posterity's sake than actually having a clear idea I want to communicate. As I sit and post this, Adon is busily unloading the dishwasher, which he considers a veritable smorgasbord of entertainment, as did his sister Ryah before him, as did her sister Allie before her. I pretty much let him do whatever he wants with it, since it keeps him happy, which is harder with him than it was with either of his two immediate predecessors. Don't worry, I remove the knives first at least. Oh wait, give me a minute...
Yikes.
I want my people to know how much I really liked them when they ever read this, bc sometimes I struggle with feeling like I don't let them know that like they should. Kind of one of the places the name of the blog came from. In my mind, my children are the most delightful things, but in reality, sometimes they are difficult (as any child is occassionally), and I can let that be what I communicate to them. Kharis is the most creative, resourceful thing, and regularly makes elaborate projects out of the things in my recycle bin. Just yesterday I found like a little tomato container type thing on her bed. It was labeled "Coconut's Dream House" (Coconut is her American Girl doll dog) on the side in frilly writing and then inside it had a little bone she had made in it and a blanket (made out of papertowels) and one other thing I can't remember now. She hadn't even shown it to me, it was something she just did on her own. The more of a "project" something artsy is the more into it Kharis will be (she got that from me huh honey?;)) It is exactly the opposite for Allie. The longer something is likely to take the less interested she is. She does like art though, just centering around butterflies and princesses:)

Over the holiday Ryah Layne took to calling me very adamantly "MOM-MY GREEAR!" It really is the funniest thing, though it does seem vaguely disrespectful, and I try really hard not to let her see me laugh about it, but I could not figure out where it had come from. Then, it hit me. She was saying it one day when I wasn't paying her enough attention, and I heard it: the exact same intonation with which I say "AL-LIE GREEAR!" and "RY-AH GREEAR!" and every once in a while "KHA-RIS GREEAR!" Can you hear it in your head? She was imitating me when I about to come down on them-ha!! How creative is that?!

Adon played actual peek-a-boo with me the other day, and again today. As in he put the blanket over his own face, and then jerked it away, and put it back again, all by himself. It was so cute I could hardly stand it. And he thought he was awesome, cackling up a storm. He likes to do sort of a peek a boo with reflections too, and that deep sort of "heh heh heh" he has makes me laugh every time. He loves for his sister Ryah to play a version of peek a boo with the hole in the back of his high chair too, and man can they get loud shrieking with joy over that game. In other news, if left unattended for any amount of time, he will either cry or make a beeline for the toilet. I am not sure which is worse. I can distract him well with the pantry though. If the door is left cracked just a hair, he feels like he is discovering some hidden cave and LOVES to go in and play with whatever he can drum up in there.

I guess that's all for today. I have more I could record, but I need to get some things done that I have been putting off (receipts!). So see you back here when I can!

More Sweet Pieces of My Life

So there is more I want to remember. If I wait to be creative in how I post these, we both know (we? who am I talking about here exactly?!) that I will never post anything at all. Which would be slightly worse than what I do now, which is to hardly post anything at all:) Slight but important difference.

Anyway. Since we have not one but TWO delightful December birthdays, one of which is ON CHRISTMAS, this year I just decided to entirely bail on celebrating them in December and do a party of some sort in January. But on the 16th, Ryah's actual birthday, we sang to her and made blueberry muffins with a candle just to commemorate the occassion. Allie was so sweet to her! She disappeared for a little bit first thing in the morning and then came out with a crown for Ryah to wear that she had drawn and colored for her. When Ryah wouldn't wear it, she disappeared again and brought her a dress up tiara, and tried to put it on her while singing Happy Birthday. When Ryah rudely refused even this, she disappeared a third time and came down with money from her bank for her! Talk about loving! Allie really is the most easily, consistently affectionate one of the four.

Ryah and Adon are really pals, at least as much as they possibly can be at this age. Ryah tries very hard to help whenever and however she can, though he doesn't always appreciate her efforts. If he cries, she gets his paci, even if it is upstairs in his bed. If he cries in the car, she tries to reach over to him and pet him, and will try and sing to him. If she sees him still wearing his bib around the house, she will run over to him immediately and take it off him. She is always laying around on the floor with him, and semi-tackling him. Sometimes she tries to feed him things, though I try to keep this from happening. If she feels he is in danger, she tells him "No NO Adon" furiously and will even drag him away from things, or just holler for me mercilessly. But for this I am thankful.

JD and I have heard that at 7 years old, it is a zero sum game for children; ie, whatever they "take out" of you they "contribute" in help. Kharis is 7 right now and I have to heartily agree! She is SUCH a help to us, I can hardly describe. And she hardly ever complains. I try very hard not to take advantage of it. But she cleans, picks up, organizes, helps her brothers and sisters, on and on. Here is hoping in a year and a half I feel the same about Allie:)

Well, there is oh so much more, but I think that is all this underachiever can handle for now. Possibly more to come in the next few days, but I wouldn't hold your breath:) And just because I can and one day may want to see them, I added a picture. It was our family at the aquarium in Chatanooga where we all went to join JD while he spoke at the C.O. conference. Maybe I will blog about that next time!

Tidbits to Remember

So JD asked me tonight what I was doing and if I was posting on the blog. I knew I would really regret letting it slip that I had created it. I mean, why would I be posting when I haven't done so since I created the thing? But then the guilt started to get to me, and I started thinking about the things I want to remember that I will inevitably forget along with the thousands of other things, so here I am. Some random recent happenings that I want to remember:

-Allie told Stacey (Simeone) the other day that she did NOT want to make an idol out of her lovey!!

-Kharis got picked to be the only one out of both second grade classes to recite all of Luke 2:8-20 in their school's annual Lessons and Carols concert. She ROCKED. IT. I wish I could express it better, but I don't know how. She was really and truly the best one up there, the only one who you could understand who wasn't reading it, and she didn't hesitate, falter, or stumble, and she looked like she spoke in front of 500 people everyday. I was so proud I couldn't stand it.

-The first morning after we put our Christmas tree up this year I found Ryah and Adon laying under it together just gazing up in sort of wonder. SO cute.

-We went to Lynn and Carol's church's "Journey to Bethlehem" tonight, and the kids just loved it. There were lots of real animals there and the llama was a particularly big hit as well as the goats. But the lady doing real pottery had Kharis and Allie's undivided attention.

-The last couple of nights when JD wasn't home to hug and kiss the girls good night I promised them that when he got home I would send him up to kiss them. After a brief pause, Ryah says "and hug too?"

-Ryah is in just that dang cute phase where most anything she does is adorable. She has apparently learned that JD and others think her skinny jeans are really cute on her, but she doesn't know which ones they are. So every time we put on jeans she says "are dese my skinny jeans?" And she calls the pink glow in the dark skeleton pjs I bought her for Halloween her "jack and blues," we don't know why. But it's really cute.

-All three of the girls have busied themselves for long periods of time ever since we got out the nativity playing with it together. I don't know exactly what they are doing with it, but I always love to see how they have rearranged it.

All for now! Soon (what?! ha!) I will try and get a picture up here!